Coping with Consequences
by secretindulgence24
Summary: Based on the end of 4x05 and the promo for 4x06. Everything is changing, Elena's hallucinating, Jeremy's becoming a hunter, and lives are on the line. Damon's her rock through it all and Elena can't imagine facing what lies ahead without him by her side. You should love the person who's always there to get you through life, even when you're dead. M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Loosely based on the end of 4x05 and the promo for 4x06. Delena-centric.

I have loved writing this story so much and I hope you all enjoy reading it. I have several chapters written in advance and, provided there's interest, will post one a day until I run out. Please enjoy and take a second to let me know what you think - I love to hear from readers!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

XOXO

"I need you."

Three words with so many meanings, but that was all it took to have him speeding across town to her window. She was standing there, waiting for him, and when he appeared she pulled him to her, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding on.

"Elena," Damon breathed her name into her hair as he held her close, stroking her back with a tenderness that shouldn't exist in a person so prone to violence. "It's okay." He told her again and again, asking no questions as he enveloped her in his strong presence. "You're going to be okay."

"I'm losing it." She finally confessed against his neck. "I'm angry all the time, Damon. And sad and depressed and I can't… I can't do this. Especially not now. I've killed a man. Not a vampire or a werewolf or a Klaus wannabe. A man who was trying, I think, to help people by killing vampires because they're horrible, vicious beasts. And I killed him because I am one of those beasts and now…" Her voice cracked and he tightened his hold on her, threading his fingers through her hair as her tears fell on his shirt. "Now I'm hallucinating blood and I'm scared and I can't… Why did you let me kill him, Damon? Why did you tell me to do that?"

"Come on," He dodged her question, kissing her hair and easing her back from him. His eyes rested on hers as he reached a hand up and swiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb. "Sit with me."

Resting a hand on her back, he guided her over to the bed and eased her down before moving to the other side and sitting beside her. She watched as he settled in and held his arm out, inviting her to move closer. Craving contact, she slid across her bedspread and settled against his side, her legs drawn up so that she was small against the security of his body.

"Damon…" She started to question him again, but he held up a finger and pointed it at her.

"Ah-ah-ah. You asked me a question already. I have an answer."

He was trying to be light but she couldn't quite muster the smile he was looking for. But she reached for his free hand, drawing it onto her lap and enveloping it with her own as she settled her head on his shoulder. "Okay."

"I told you to kill him because… it let me control your first kill."

"What?" She jerked her head up, pulling away from him. "Control my first kill… why would you to…" She shook her head. "What kind of sick amusement…?"

"Can I finish?" He lifted one eyebrow at her, waiting for her to finish what she guessed he saw as her self-righteous outburst.

"Fine." She made a point of putting some distance between them on the bed though and quietly resented the fact that she instantly missed his touch.

"You're a vampire, Elena. And as much as you need your fantasy world that lets you believe you can do this the 'right' way and never kill or hurt anyone, reality is that you can't. Eventually, you would have killed either on accident or… on purpose."

"You don't know that." She insisted, clinging to fantasy even though she knew it was just that.

"I do." His eyes met hers sadly. "I know that, Elena. And I knew that when you killed the first time it would devastate you. I didn't want it to be some kid at your next frat party or one of your friends or someone you hated. Because I know how your mind works and you would never have been able to justify that to yourself."

"But Conner…?"

"Conner was a threat. He had your brother. He wanted to kill people you love, and he would have killed you given the chance. I _knew_ that if he was your first kill it would be hard, but it would be something you could understand once the pain and the guilt faded." Reaching out, he ran his hand over her hair, sweeping it back behind her ear before skimming his fingers along her jaw. "You feel miserable now, but deep down you know that eventually it would have been you or him. Him or Stefan. Him or Jeremy. So your first kill was to protect people you love and that…is something even Elena Gilbert can eventually forgive herself for."

Tears fell down her cheeks and she crawled back over to the man who understood her so well. Settling the length of her body against his, she pressed her face into his shirt. Taking her silent understanding and apology, he wrapped his arms back around her and held tight.

"And… I knew you could do it." He smirked into her hair. "Somewhere along the way you turned into quite the warrior."

She managed a small smile and looked up at him. "I had you pinned today…"

"Mmhmm…" He rolled his eyes and nudged her leg with his. "Don't get too cocky though. It would have been all too easy to throw you off me. I just didn't want to."

Sitting up, she poked him in the chest. "No way. You do not get to say you could have beaten me if you wanted to after the fact. If you could have done it then you would have."

"Uh… no." He poked her shoulder mockingly. "No one in their right mind unseats you when you're straddling them on a bed. I was quite happy right where I was. You know… minus the stake."

Rolling her eyes, she settled back against him. "Opportunist."

"Duh."

There was a comfortable pause as he lightly ran his hand up and down her arm, his cheek against her hair. She almost forgot the trauma of the day until he spoke again.

"So… what kind of blood hallucinations are we talking about?"

"Oh…" She sighed and closed her eyes. "It was probably nothing."

"Probably…" He agreed, "But lets make sure, shall we? What happened?"

"I was sitting over there," She gestured towards her vanity, keeping her eyes closed. "I looked down and there were these drops of blood on my hand. And then I looked around and there was blood everywhere. It trailed into the bathroom where blood was splattered all over everything. Except the mirror."

"The mirror?"

"Yeah…" She looked up at him, finding him watching her with concern. "The word 'killer' was written on the mirror in blood."

He was up in an instant, striding toward her bathroom. Yanking the door open, he disappeared inside.

"Damon…" She called after him, reluctantly sliding off her bed. "Damon, it wasn't real. It was gone as soon as I blinked."

He appeared in the doorway, brow knit. "I don't like it."

"I didn't like it much either." She crossed her arms over her chest. "But it wasn't real. It was just… a weird guilt thing or something."

"When did this happen?" He moved toward her, tilting her face up and studying her as though the answer to the mystery would appear written across her forehead.

"Just a few minutes ago. I called you right away."

For some reason that seemed to ease his mind and he gave her a tight smile. "Good. If it happens again…"

"I'll call you." She assured him, wrapping her fingers around his wrist. "I promise."

"Okay." He nodded and pulled her close, hugging her body against his. This was a new habit for them, and one she wasn't sure she should like so much. But there was no time to worry about it now. Not when all she wanted to do was let him hold onto her until she felt like herself again.

He released her too soon but she bit back her protest.

"Listen," He dropped his hands from her and ran one over his inky black hair. "You said you'd been training with Stefan…"

"Yeah…" She looked down at the ground, "I don't think we'll be doing that anytime soon. Who knows, maybe he'll vervain me next if he wants to go off and meet with Klaus for a while."

"It's complicated, Elena." Damon looked at her sadly. "I know you're frustrated with me right now and I'm not saying you shouldn't be. He has some… explaining he needs to do but he can't talk to you about it right now. Give him time."

"People in a relationship talk to each other, Damon."

"Yeah…Look…" Damon shook his head. "What I'm trying to say is that if you want to keep training then maybe I could… work with you a little. If today was any indication, you're already good. But I could make you great."

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "You're that good, huh?"

"Better." He smirked, and then in an instant he had her spun around and pressed against the far wall, a pencil somehow in his hand and pressing against her side, where he had once told her to use to get to a vampire's heart. "See?"

"Show off." Reaching around she grabbed his wrist and flipped their positions, her hands naturally moving to his neck and stopping just short of snapping it. "Immobilized."

"Very nice." He slid his hands down her arms and lightly pressed her back, removing himself from danger. "Let's start tomorrow. It'll make you feel powerful and that can't hurt right now. You need to take back control over your life. This will let you do that."

Feeling a flicker of hope, she nodded. "Yeah, okay. Let's do it."

"Good." Leaning in, he pressed his lips to her forehead. "Then get some rest. Meet me in the usual spot in the woods at 11:00 tomorrow."

She nodded, wishing she had the courage to ask him to stay as he moved toward her window. "Damon…?"

He stopped and turned toward her, waiting.

"Nothing. Just, uh… thanks. For everything."

Smiling, he moved back toward her, cupping her face in his hands. "We're going to get through this, Elena. You're going to be fine. I promise you."

She nodded. "I believe you."

"Good." His eyes dropped to her mouth for the briefest of moments, but then he stepped backward. "Sweet dreams…"

He was gone in a flash, but the warmth and comfort he had brought lingered even as she slipped between her covers. She had meant it when she told him she believed him. In all of the conflict in her life, he never failed to be exactly what she needed whenever she needed it.

Exhausted, she drifted to sleep before she could think about what that might mean for their future.

XOXO

Please review! It means a lot!


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed last chapter! It means a lot to know there are people enjoying. **

**For those of you who haven't seen tonight's episode (wow!), I won't spoil anything. (But, wow!) I'll just say that these next few chapters have already been written and they don't follow the events of the episode. I thought about doing some rewriting, but I think I like the story just as it is now. I hope you guys will too. :-)**

**Last time I forgot to mention my wonderful beta - Hannah Taylor1. She's amazing and she writes great stuff. Go check her out and let her know what you think. This story wouldn't be the same without her. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

XOXO

Blood rained from the ceiling, oozing holes in the plaster as it splashed down onto her floors. It fell on her face, sliding into her hair. It swallowed the bed, melting the covers into waves of blood that surrounded her, trying to drown her in the liquid she loathed and loved.

Suddenly, to her left, Connor's face appeared and he shouted at her. "You killed me, Elena. You're a monster."

As he advanced toward her, she squeezed her eyes shut and screamed, wishing the images away. When she opened her eyes, her room was silent and still without a trace of the horrifying scene she had just experienced.

Shaking, she scrambled out from under her covers and fumbled on her nightstand for her phone, tears starting to fall down her cheeks. Her clumsy hands knocked it to the floor and she started to crawl after it when strong, gentle hands held her back.

"Hey, shhh." Damon sat down on the edge of her bed, brushing her hair out her face. "It was just a dream. Or a hallucination. You're safe."

She clung to him, not knowing how he had known, but grateful for his presence nonetheless. "Damon…"

"I've got you." He guided her onto his lap and ran his hand over her hair. "You're okay."

"It happened again." She told him, slowly regaining her composure. "It was awful. Everything was turning into blood… the whole room was pouring blood at me. And Connor was there… he was coming at me… yelling at me for killing him, calling me a monster and…"

"And nothing." Damon held her tighter, pressing his lips to her hair. "It wasn't real. You're in your bedroom, in your bed, in your pjs, safe and sound."

She nodded. "And you're here. That helps…"

He smiled as she sat up enough to see him, keeping watchful eyes on her as he tucked her hair behind her ear.

"How did you know…?" She glanced toward the open window. "Could you hear me all the way at the boardinghouse?"

"Even my hearing isn't that good." He smirked, tapping her chin, "I thought it might happen again so I hung around outside. Heard you loud and clear. I thought Jeremy would have beaten me in here…"

"No, he likes to sleep with his music blaring in his ears." Elena rolled her eyes and shook her head, trying to clear the last of the images from her mind. "Thank you… for being here."

"No problem." He brushed the backs of his fingers over her cheek. "All better now?"

"All better." Awkwardly, she eased off his lap, suddenly hyper aware of every place they were touching. Shivering, she slid back under her covers and patted the other side of the bed. "I know you're going to stay in case it happens again. You don't have to stay outside."

He watched her closely, his eyes briefly darting to the bed.

Smiling, she reached out and tugged his arm. "Come on, Damon. It's not like we haven't slept in the same bed before."

He nodded and stood up, kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his jacket before he rounded to his side of the bed. Slipping between the covers, he cut his eyes at her. "Let's add this to the list of activities we don't tell Stefan about. Considering he's _kind of_ a loose cannon at the moment we probably shouldn't tell him anything that's going to make him not want to tell me all of his little secrets."

She sighed and slid closer to him, finding his hand under the covers and holding on. "Deal. It's not like he and I have an open, honest relationship anyway…"

"No comment." Damon slid over, bumping his side up against hers. Turning on his side, he sprawled his arm across her stomach and his leg across her legs. "Sorry, I like to take up the whole bed."

Smiling, she half-heartedly pushed at him. "Bed hog."

Fake snoring was his only response and she rolled her eyes, giving in and settling her head against his. "Goodnight, Damon..."

XOXO

"There you are." Damon glanced over his shoulder as Elena walked through the trees into the small clearing that was often the site of Mystic Falls secret meetings. Turning back to his supplies, he dug around for the crossbow he wanted them to start with.

"Damon?" Her voice was small and scared. He turned, immediately scanning her and the area for any danger.

"What's the matter?"

She was pale, swallowed up by the dark burgundy of her oversized sweater. "Is their blood dripping from all the trees?"

"No…" He set the crossbow down and moved toward her, his heart breaking as he watched her wrap her arms around herself, eyes darting from place to place. "Close your eyes." He took her arms in his hands, pressing her lightly. "Don't look at it."

Her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned on him, letting him slide his arms around her. "It's sunny out," He told her, looking around the clearing, trying to drum up something cheerful. "The trees are all green and… breezy and stuff. Everything looks… healthy…"

A small laugh escaped her. "You're not very good at describing scenery are you?"

"Well, it's not exactly a talent I've had to develop over the years." He held her close for another minute, then eased her back. "Open your eyes, Elena."

She hesitated, but slowly opened her eyes and looked around the clearing, breathing a sigh of relief. "Normal."

He gave her a reassuring smile, running his hands up and down her arms.

"Damon… why am I seeing these things…?"

"I don't know." He confessed. "Guilt?"

"Maybe…" She shook her head. "But it doesn't feel like that. It feels…" Sighing, she shrugged. "I don't know what it feels like."

"We'll figure it out." He squeezed her hand lightly. "Maybe we shouldn't train today… we can go back to the boarding house and see if we can find something in all the musty, dusty books we've collected."

"No," She shook her head, stepping back from him and steadying herself. "No, I want to do this. The last thing I want to do is sit in that house looking through books filled with all kinds of problems I'm sure all have to do with me."

He shrugged. "Fair enough. Think fast then." Reaching out, he grabbed her arm, spinning her around and pressing her back to his chest. Sliding his hand down her side, he made sure to let his breath drift over her neck. Smirking when her head dropped back on his shoulder, he slid his leg around hers and twisted her to the ground, kneeling over her with his hand pressing over her heart. "You're dead."

"Cheater." She narrowed her eyes and grabbed his wrist, flinging him to the side. She rolled after him, reaching him just in time to push him back into the grass as he started to get up. Straddling him again, she pinned him down, one hand on his shoulder, one at his heart. "Gotcha."

"You sure about that?" Gripping her knees, he flipped her backward, following after her to pin her again. She blocked him, kicking him in the gut and rolling to the side. He lunged after her, grabbing her ankle and pulling her underneath him, pinning her hands down. "Now what, Buffy?"

"Now this." Bucking her hips, she distracted him enough to allow her to get one of her arms free. Grabbing his neck, she threw him off of her and sprung to her feet. He jumped up too, eyes pinned on hers. They circled each other briefly and she lunged, grabbing him around the waist and slamming him into a tree. He grabbed her shoulders and whipped her around, knocking her into the tree and holding her there, his body pressed against hers.

She wriggled and attempted to use sheer force to push him away, but he held firm, smirking at her. "You're dead, Elena. Unless you can get away… _very_ quickly."

She attempted to use her leg to knock him off balance, but he trapped her leg with his before she could manage it.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, you got me. Round one goes to you."

He narrowed his eyes, looking her over as he took a minute to enjoy the feel of her body against his. "Just like that?"

"I'm pinned, aren't I?"

Stepping back, he nodded. "You're pinned." Walking to the middle of the clearing, he beckoned to her. "So come at me again."

She sped toward him, using both of her hands to shove him backward. He flew across the clearing, leaping back to his feet as soon as he hit the ground. He caught her fist flying at him just in time, wrapping his hand around her palm and pushing her backward. She steadied herself and met his approach with a roundhouse kick that only made him stumble to the side. He grabbed her leg and yanked her to him, dodging as she reached for his neck.

They tumbled together, rolling on the ground, both struggling for the upper hand. He finally pinned her beneath him, purposefully positioning himself between her legs instead of straddling her to see if she would wrap her legs around him and flip him over.

Instead, she flopped her head back. "Okay, okay." She closed her eyes and shook her head, obviously worn out. "You win."

Frowning, he reached down and patted her leg. "Come on, Elena. I'm vulnerable."

She lifted her legs around him and squeezed. "How does this help me?"

"Flip me over. Use your thighs." He squeezed her leg, encouraging her.

"I can't." She arched against him, using her hips more than her thighs. "Just…" She tried again. "Ugh. Start over."

Rolling his eyes, he moved off her, reaching down to help her up. "You're not trying hard enough." He told her as she brushed the grass off of her jeans.

"Yes, I am…" She pushed at his arm. "I'm still pretty new at this, Damon. Of course you're going to beat me."

"No, see," He shook his head as he walked over to grab a blood bag and toss it to her, "That's the problem. You're going into this assuming that I'm going to win in the end. Flattering…" He raised his own blood bag at her, "But its making you give up before you have to. In a real fight you don't get to just concede."

"Okay…" She crossed her arms over her chest, "So I just have to believe I can win? That's your strategy?"

"No… we raise the stakes." Sauntering over to her, he studied her closely. "In a real fight, your life would be on the line. Which means that even when you got into a bad position, you're going to keep fighting. We need to simulate that."

"How…?" She reached out and brushed the grass from his shirt, her small hands moving over his chest and shoulders. Her light touches distracted him and he momentarily indulged in the sight of her pretty face and the casual affection in her touch. The constant desire for more inspired his next idea.

"Obviously I'm not going to hurt you if you lose…" He watched her reaction as he spoke, "But if we're in combat, and you get in a position you can't get out of and you give up… I kiss you."

Her eyes flew up to his and she stepped back. "What?"

He shrugged as though what he was proposing was no big deal. "You need an incentive. Something you really don't want to happen to keep you motivated to fight as hard as you possibly can. If you don't want to kiss me then don't let me win."

"Damon…" Elena shook her head. "We can't play with fire like that. You know we can't."

Rolling his eyes, he turned away. "Of course. You and I _never_ play with fire, Elena. We're all above board."

She sped in front of him. "Don't be like that."

"I'm not being like anything." He shrugged again. "It was just an idea. Come up with a better one and we'll do it that way."

"Hey," She stopped him as he started to move past her again, "Damon… don't ruin this."

His eyebrows lifted as he looked down at her. "What is it that I'm ruining?"

"Things are so good between us right now…" Her hand ran down his arm, her fingers linking with this. "Aren't they?"

He didn't know what she wanted him to say so he stayed quiet, watching her.

"I think they are." She faltered slightly. "I've missed this… you. Us. We do so well together when one of isn't messing it up. I need you too much to risk all of this for one kiss, Damon. Haven't you noticed? Every time we kiss, I lose you…"

"Okay…" He spoke slowly, hiding the wealth of emotion he was feeling, "But you get that that's the incentive part right? All you have to do is not get pinned. Fight back… tap into that strength you have now."

She dropped her eyes. "I'm not sure that it would be that much of an incentive. Okay?" Turning away from him, she ran a hand through her hair. "Could we please just pretend like this whole conversation didn't happen?"

He was grateful that she had turned away so she couldn't see his jaw fall open in a very un-dark-vampire-villain kind of way. It took him a few seconds to pull himself together, but when he did, he kept his voice casual.

"Okay." He moved behind her, laying his hand on her shoulder. "Never happened. Let's just...rewind."

"Thank you." She leaned back against him, her head on his shoulder. "It's not that…"

"Forgotten." He cut her off, squeezing her shoulder. Sliding his hand over her arm, he took her hand as she drew away from him. "How about a break. Being a vampire isn't all about fighting and drinking blood you know…"

Pulling her with him, he moved to the closest tree and nodded up at the top. "After you."

"What?" She looked warily from him to the tree. "Climb it?"

"Yeah… piece of cake, right?" Reaching up, he grabbed a low branch and swung himself up, crouching on the branch. "It's worth it when you get to the top."

Grinning, she swung up beside him. "Race you?"

"You're on."

The race lasted only a matter of seconds, but he let her get to the top first just because. The more success she could have as a vampire the more she would realize she could figure out how to be this new person. As he settled in beside her on one of the top branches, he nudged her shoulder. "Nice win."

"Uh-huh." She elbowed him lightly. "You let me."

"Don't know what you're talking about." Smiling down at her, he nodded out toward the horizon. "Check it out."

He watched her look around them, taking in the whole town at once. It was a pretty picture. Old fashioned buildings, small town roads, lots of trees dotting the view. It was homey… perfect to remind Elena that she still had a place of her own.

"Beautiful." She sighed, staring out into the distance. After a long, quiet moment, she turned to him, "Damon?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you tell me…" She paused, glancing over at him, "I want to know what you meant when you said blood sharing was personal. Stefan didn't really explain… he just said it was not something I should have done… you know, with you. And that it would have meant a lot to you…"

Damon cleared his throat, suddenly wishing he was back on the ground where there was room to retreat.

"Uh, well." He shifted on the branch, leaning against the trunk. "It's just an intimate thing. Let's just say it's not something you do with any vampire."

"Okay…" Elena shifted too, moving to face him. "Who do you do it with then?"

"Elena…" He looked out over the town. "This may not be the best thing for us to talk about if you're worried about messing things up between us…"

She nodded and looked down. "Right."

Watching her, he rolled his eyes. "But you're dying to know."

"Right again." Biting her lip, she met his gaze. "Please?"

"Fine. " Staring pointedly into the distance, he told her. "Blood sharing is usually something you would do with only one other vampire. It's an intimate… bond. Not like an actual bond… there aren't any lasting effects or anything. But… its something you save for the one vampire you want to spend existence with."

"Wow." Elena tucked her hair behind her ear. "So its more intimate than… sex?"

"Well, no." He lifted his arms, lacing his fingers behind his head. "Sex still trumps blood sharing."

"Does it?" She picked at a string on the sleeve of her sweater. "Because haven't you had sex with hundreds of women in the last 150 years?"

Smirking, he stretched his legs out onto a nearby branch. "That's a conservative estimate."

"Uh-huh." Elena's gaze bore into his. "And how many have you shared your blood with?"

He licked his lips and decided to tell her the truth. "One."

Looking down, Elena sighed. "So… seems like its more intimate than sex. Or at least more meaningful."

"Elena…"

She looked up at him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Closing his eyes, he dropped his arms and leaned his head back. "Because you wouldn't have _done_ it if I had told you and I was hoping that it would help you. And I figured that… since you didn't know, it wouldn't be a big deal for you."

Skeptical brown eyes stared at him.

"_Okay_, I knew you would still feel something when you were drinking."

"I did." That thread on her sweater drew her attention again. "It felt…"

"Personal." He drolly finished the thought for her.

"Yeah…"

He smiled at her and she smiled back before dropping her eyes.

"Damon… Thank you." She swept her hair over one shoulder, letting it fall in one chocolate wave that glinted in the sun. "I mean, I know I should be mad at you for not telling me what I was doing with you. But… honestly, I'm really honored, I guess, that you were even willing. Especially after everything…"

"Elena, it's a good thing you're as beautiful as you are," He moved toward her, running his hand over her hair as he pressed his lips to her cheek. "Because sometimes you miss the most _obvious _things." He kissed her cheek again, lingering just a second too long. Pulling back as though nothing had happened, he nodded toward the ground. "Down we go. Let's try your hand at the crossbow."

XOXO

"You know… I haven't had another of those hallucinations all afternoon." Elena looked up at Damon as they walked back toward the Boardinghouse. "Maybe it was just guilt after all."

"We'll see." Damon shifted their pack of supplies to his other shoulder, shrugging it into place. "I still want us to look into it. With all the things that have gone wrong with your transition so far, I don't want to leave any stone unturned."

Smiling, Elena linked their arms, sliding her hand into his as though it was the most natural thing in the world. "Research away. As long as it means a chair, a fire, and a drink."

"Yep. Wore you out good."

"Mmhmm. Hitting the target dead center every single time really made me tired…" She bumped his hip with hers, earning one of his wicked grins.

"Happy looks good on you." He pressed her hand. "You should go for that look more often."

Smiling to herself, she nodded. "Yeah, I really should. It's been a long time since I've felt happy. And there's still a lot to be worried about but I don't know… today was a good day. I felt… powerful. Like maybe I can really do this."

"That's the spirit." His fingers linked with hers, his ring finger sliding over her sunlight ring. He twirled it around, then lifted her hand to look at it. "You know, I never asked you if you picked this out."

"Oh…" She lifted her hand, looking at the ring glinting in the sun. "Um, no. I didn't actually. Why?"

He shrugged. "Doesn't look like you."

"What?"

"Too fancy. Dainty…" Damon took her hand back letting their arms swing between them. "I pegged you for something a little stronger. Maybe a round gem encircled by a band that had the initials of your parents and Jenna. But whatever… you only have to wear it forever."

She looked up at him in surprise. "I would love that... to have them with me all the time, in a way."

"Yeah, well… it seemed like something you would like." He met her eyes. "This works though. Keeps you from going up in flames."

She turned his hand over, bringing them to a stop as she traced the line of his ring. "How did you design yours? I mean, I know it's the crest, but did you design part of it?" Peering closer, she traced the words at the bottom of the design. "What does… pro infinito mean?"

"It's Latin. It means for eternity." Looking up, he met her gaze. "It sounds positive and hopeful, but when I had the ring made, it was more of a despair thing than a jump for joy thing."

"And now?"

One corner of his mouth tilted up. "Maybe a little more hopeful now."

She smiled as she traced his ring, getting distracted by the long line of his fingers. "You know, you have really nice hands." Looking up, she bit her lip. "Has anyone ever told you that before?"

"Once or twice." He smiled back as she lifted his hand, sliding her fingers along his palm until her palm pressed against his.

Their eyes locked and the moment hung heavy between them. Elena drew a shaky breath as the tips of his fingers skimmed down her hand. She cleared her throat awkwardly and broke the contact between them.

"So… I guess we should get home…"

"Yeah," He tilted his head. "Probably the sooner the better."

"Right..."

They started walking again, silence between them. Now and then Elena glanced over at him and he would give her a small smile that she always returned. They hadn't made much progress when she reached for his hand again, tangling their fingers together.

XOXO

**Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it - there's lots of stuff coming up so stay tuned. And please take a second to leave me a comment. I love to hear from readers!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Two updates within twelve hours! I had forgotten I would be out of town tonight, so I decided to post early. The next chapter will go up tomorrow night. **

**Thanks to those of you who are reviewing! It means a lot!**

**Thanks to my beta: Hannah Taylor1. Her work is great, so go check it out. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

XOXO

Elena sighed and leaned her head back against the couch, tossing aside the book Damon had given her to look through. "Damon, there's nothing in here about vampire transition blood hallucinations. I'm telling you… it was just some weird guilt thing."

He looked up from his own book and narrowed his eyes at her. "Maybe."

"Why are you so sure it's something else?"

"I'm not." He pressed his lips together. "But if there's something wrong with you, I'd like to fix it before it gets out of hand. I've had enough of your near-death, actual-death experiences to last me a life time."

Smiling, she stood up and crossed to the arm chair he currently occupied and perched facing him on the arm. "It's nothing. I haven't had one since this morning in the clearing and I'm feeling better than I have in weeks. Honest."

Sighing, he closed his book and shifted, giving himself room to run his hand over her back. "Then maybe that's all it was. If anyone was going to have a completely _outlandish_ guilt reaction, it would be you."

"Hey," She nudged his knee with her foot. "I'm not sure it's possible to overreact to my life for the past few weeks. Well…" She paused, "Years, actually. The past three years."

"I guess you've earned a few hallucinations." He smirked up at her as his hand continued to track patterns on her back. "If you do have another one…"

"I'll tell you as soon as it happens." She promised.

"As soon as what happens?" Stefan suddenly appeared in the doorway, scanning the scene in front of him before he crossed to pour himself a glass of bourbon.

Immediately, Damon's hand left her back and Elena felt herself shift away from him.

"Stefan," She stood up, crossing her arms over her chest. "I didn't hear from you all day… where have you been?"

He turned and looked at her. "You'll tell Damon as soon as what happens?"

"Uh…" She quickly shot a glance in Damon's direction, "I've been having some… hallucinations. But I haven't had one in hours and I was just telling Damon that I would let him know if it happened again."

Stefan seemed to think about this for a second. "And when were you going to tell me? When it happened again? Or maybe when it happened the first time?"

Damon stood up and slowly moved just slightly ahead of Elena, not blocking her but positioning himself between her and Stefan. "New house rule. No interrogations in the parlor."

"I'm just asking a question, Damon." Stefan spoke tightly, forcing his tone into an imitation of casualness. "I was just wondering when Elena was going to let me in on the latest news in her life."

"Stefan, it's not like that." Elena stepped forward, unwittingly putting herself closer to Damon. "I wasn't hiding it from you. I just… well, we left things in a bad place last night and still have no idea why you did half the things you did yesterday or why you would work with Klaus, especially without telling me or…"

"I asked you to trust me, Elena." Stefan interrupted, tossing the rest of his bourbon down and setting the glass aside.

Elena frowned, shaking her head. "That's not fair, Stefan. You can't ask me to blindly trust you and then get mad at me for not telling you about something. Either we're open and honest with each other or we're not…"

"What is it about Damon that makes you go to him every time you have a problem?" Stefan demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. "How soon after your first hallucination did you call him? Weren't you angry with him too?"

"No…" She shook her head then stopped. "I mean, yes. I was but I wasn't really mad at him. I begged him to let me go after Connor. It wasn't his fault and he was honest with me about why he finally told me to go after Connor. That's not the point…"

"How soon?" Stefan shrugged, looking between Damon and Elena. "How soon did you call Damon after your first hallucination?"

"Stefan…" Elena took another step forward, feeling the tension in Damon's body radiating as she passed him. "Can we not do this? Let's just go somewhere and talk about this…"

"Without Damon?" Stefan tilted his head. "But then you'll just have to call him afterward and tell him all about it. This way, he'll get to hear it firsthand."

"Enough." Damon spoke up, his voice tight with anger. "Back off, _brother_."

"What? I don't get to know why my girlfriend brings all her real problems to you? That's all I'm asking for, Damon. She apparently trusts you a lot more than she trusts me these days."

"And whose fault is that?" Damon snarled.

"Stop." Elena reached out to Damon, gently pressing his arm to get him to stand down. He relaxed minimally under her touch. "Stefan, you have to understand that this is not easy for me. Every day I have to convince myself to keep going all over again. I'm scared and anxious and angry all the time. I can't figure out how I'm supposed to act or feel or what part of me is still real and what part is just the vampire part of me…?

"Do you think I don't get that?"

"I don't know!" Elena gestured helplessly. "I feel like… I don't know, Stefan… I feel like you don't want me to be struggling. I feel this pressure to do this right for you but I don't know how. I just know that every time I start to struggle you start to shut down and I can't handle it! You can't pressure me into just… being good at this."

"I'm not trying to." Stefan dragged his hand over his hair. "I don't even know where that's coming from."

"It's been this way from the beginning…" She pleaded with him to understand. "And I was all for it then. I was. The animal blood and the lifestyle you wanted me to have. But… it's not working, Stefan. I couldn't keep the blood down and you wanted me to be able to so badly that I couldn't stand to tell you. I have to keep blood from the vein in my system and you can't help me learn how to do that…"

"And the hallucinations?" Stefan demanded, "Why couldn't I help with that?"

"I don't know." Elena pressed her hand to her forehead, closing her eyes. "I don't know where we stand right now, Stefan. Or what you're doing with Klaus." She gestured helplessly, "Why would you ever team up with him again? Do you not remember what happened last year? I don't know who you are when you're working with him and it scares me. I don't feel like I can… trust you."

Stefan nodded, looking at the ground. "So what you're saying is that things have changed. I don't get you, I can't be there for you right now, and you're not sure you can trust me."

"Stefan…" Elena shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I'm not saying…"

"No, you are saying it, Elena. And you're saying that Damon can give you all of those things. He understands you… he can be there for you… and you can trust him. Right?"

"Stefan..."

He ignored her. "Just like it's Damon's blood in your veins."

"Enough." Damon's voice was arctic. "I don't care what you think is going on. You don't get to badger her."

Stefan shook his head. "I'm just telling it how it is, Damon. Aren't you the one who wants her to face reality?"

Clenching his jaw, Damon stared his brother down, "Your _method_ leaves a lot to be desired."

Turning away, Stefan looked back at Elena. "Either you trust me and you love me and you want to be with me or you don't. It's that simple."

"Stefan…"

"Don't keep pretending, Elena." Stefan shook his head. "Don't think I don't see the way you look at him, or the way you find excuses to touch him."

Elena looked down at the ground, completely at a loss, humiliated and relieved all at once.

"He's the one you call." Stefan gestured toward a stunned Damon. "It's not me anymore. It hasn't been me for a while."

She shook her head. "Stefan…"

"Just be honest with both of us." Stefan moved toward her. "If I'm wrong, if you don't have feelings for him, if you want to be with me… all you have to do is say so right now. I'll take you at your word, Elena. Just say it."

Squeezing her eyes shut, she let her tears slip down her cheeks. The silence in the room was deafening, drawing out indefinitely. She tried to find the right words to say… to tell the man she'd promised eternity to that she still loved him. But even in the intensity of this moment with Stefan, all she stood there and thought about was what Damon might be thinking, how he was feeling as he watched her unable to give Stefan the answer he wanted.

"That's what I thought." Stefan spoke softly. "We can't do this anymore, Elena. It's not fair to any of us, and it's especially not fair to me."

She nodded, giving up. "I know. I'm sorry…"

"Me too." Stefan glanced toward a rigid Damon. What he said next made no sense to Elena, but Damon seemed to understand. "I'm still looking for it. And I'm not going anywhere."

Damon nodded stiffly and Stefan dragged a hand over his hair.

"Goodbye Elena." He spoke softly and then, in rush of air, he was gone. The front door opened and slammed behind him, the sound rattling through the house and breaking up the heavy silence between Elena and Damon.

The moment hung, becoming almost unbearable until Damon shattered it.

"So… _that _was awkward."

A laugh somehow escaped Elena and she immediately clamped down her lips, still staring at the floor. Clearing her throat, she managed. "Yeah… I'm sorry you had to be here for that. I'm a little sorry I had to be here for that."

He paused, then asked. "Are you okay?"

"Actually… yes." She finally got the courage to look up and meet his eyes. "I'm sad that things ended that way, but I'm… fine. Too fine." Shaking her head, she let out a sigh. "I think I'm too fine."

"Too fine?"

"I'm not even crying." She pressed her hand to her forehead. "How is this the one thing that hasn't made me cry since I became a vampire? Last week I cried when I saw a lost dog poster…"

"Seriously?" Damon moved toward her. "That's… embarrassing."

She rolled her eyes at him. "This is when you want to make fun of me?"

"No." He grew suddenly, alarmingly serious. "I want to ask you about everything Stefan just said. What I'm doing instead is deflecting through pointless humor. It's _kind _of my thing."

"Damon…" Elena sucked in a breath ,watching him get closer and closer. "Don't."

"You keep saying that…" He tilted his head, studying her. "At the risk of being repetitive… why not?"

"Because." Her hand shook as she reached to tuck her hair behind her ear. "Stefan and I just broke up. It's not right to… start something with you five minutes later, Damon."

Carefully, he closed the distance between them, running his hands over her arms. "Why didn't you tell Stefan you didn't have feelings for me? It would have been easy… one sentence. All of the rest of his little speech would have been avoided."

Staring up at him, she swallowed hard. "You know why."

"_Do_ you have feelings for me, Elena?" Their fingers linked together and he looked down at their joined hands. "I need to know…"

"Yes," She whispered her confession after a long moment of hesitation. She simply didn't have the energy or the desire to deny it anymore. "You could… say that."

Intensity poured off of him as he met her eyes again. "What kind of feelings?"

"Every kind. All the time."

He let out a strangled laugh and the breath he'd been holding. "Elena… now would be a great time to be really, _really_ specific."

She nodded. "Right. Sorry." Taking a deep breath, she looked up at him, meeting his eye and telling herself to just go for it. With a small smile, she told him, "I love you, Damon. I'm… in love with you."

For a long moment he just stared at her, waiting for… something. Finally, he nodded and dropped her hands, taking a step back. "Okay." He nodded, adjusting his jacket over his shoulders. "You love me. That's what I wanted to know..." Turning around, he ran his hands over his hair, keeping his back to her.

Stunned at his reaction, she just stood there, watching him, wondering what in the world followed a reaction like that.

Then without warning, he spun around and took her face in both his hands, pulling her against him. His mouth descended on hers for a hot but tender kiss that left her weak in the knees as she clung to him. She recovered from the surprise quickly and wrapped her arms around his neck, sinking into the kiss, matching his passion.

One of his hands slipped back into her hair, tilting her head up to allow him better access to the depths of her mouth. Their tongues dueled for control of the kiss, but she let him win when he slid his tongue over her bottom lip, sucking on it at the same. Sighing his name, she urged him on, rewarding each thrust of his tongue with an appreciative, throaty hum.

Eventually, the kiss slowed and they broke apart, both gasping for air their bodies didn't need.

"I just want to make sure you noticed…" Damon leaned his forehead against hers as their eyes locked, "That I made an _incredible_ effort to take that little confession in stride and give you time and space to think things out. Just for the record."

She smiled, her hands travelling over his face, mapping its perfect contours. "You had very little success."

"But the effort was there... somewhere." He kissed her again, lingering over her lips. "Elena…God, I love you, too." A husky laugh escaped him, "In case you were worried I didn't feel the same way…"

Closing her eyes, she leaned in and wrapped her arms around his neck. "This feels right, Damon. You and me."

He ran his hand over her back, holding her close. "That's what I've been saying…" He teased her lightly, burying his face in her hair.

"How can it feel so right when it seems like it should be wrong to break up with Stefan and then two minutes later be kissing you?" Elena pulled back, looking up at him sadly. "How do we deal with what's between us right now?"

Sighing, he stroked the back of his fingers down her cheek. "The timing is definitely… awkward. Believe it or not, I don't like the fact that my brother just stormed out of her with a broken heart _any_ better than you do. But you know what…" He tilted his head, his eyes on hers. "I'd rather have awkward or flat out horrible timing than keep dancing around the truth. Because the truth is that I am so _tired_ of pretending I can live without you, Elena. So I say… whatever the price is, it's worth it. At least to me."

Biting her lip, she leaned in and kissed him. "It's worth it to me too."

He smiled, holding her close. "It is?"

"Yes," She brushed his hair away from his forehead before threading her fingers through the long strands in the back. "I'm tired of making up excuses for why you're the one I think of, or the one I call, or the one I miss. I just… I just want to move on with this… life, if that's what this is. And I know I want to do that with you, Damon."

Emotions that he was trying to hold back showed all over his face as he cupped her cheek and drew her in, bringing her into another kiss. She closed her eyes and got lost in him, holding him as close as she could. She trailed the hand that was buried in his hair down his neck and over his shoulder before moving it up to sink back into his silky, black hair.

But her fingers touched only skin. Only half aware, she searched for Damon's hair, running her fingers instead over a smooth scalp.

Her eyes flew open and she gasped in shock as she saw Connor standing in front of her, with Damon nowhere to be seen. Blood was caked on Connor's neck where she had bitten him and he smiled eerily at her.

"He doesn't really love you, Elena. He might have killed a lot of people, but even he doesn't enjoy killing as much as you loved killing me. One day he'll hate you, just like Stefan and Bonnie and Jeremy will hate you for becoming this monster."

"No!" She shouted, launching herself at Connor, pushing him down to the ground. "Go away. Get out of here! Leave me alone!"

"Elena!" Damon's voice seemed to come from nowhere. She couldn't see him anywhere in the room. "Elena, what's happening?"

Blood splattered on the far wall and Elena squeezed her eyes shut, shouting for Damon. "Damon! Damon, help me… please, help me. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

XOXO

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